I will spill liquid in my pants very soon...
2010-10-29 @ 22:43:27
It's going to be tough blogging this chapter, because when I finished reading it, I threw it so hard it became embedded in the wall. Then I burned the wall. Then I fed the ashes to a duck and fed the duck to a bear. Then I sold the bear to some Russians, and sent it on its merry way. So I can't go back and check my facts.
And to those who say Jacob's love for baby Optimus Beyonce is pure and innocent, I say, "PFFFFFFFF!" And if you try that argument again, I will say, "Double-PFFFFF!" So Jacob is going to be a father figure for Optimus until she's of age? What age? Is there a switch in Optimus' belly that can be flipped from "Cute Kid" to "Sexually Attractive Woman"? When will Jacob know it's OK to give Optimus a special hug? Is Imprinting bound by the laws of the government? On her 18th birthday, will Jacob look at her and suddenly realize: You know what? This child that I cared for is actually very sexy. Maybe I should do her.
Do you see the problem here? Do you understand how very sick this is? Let's switch up the roles, just for fun. Let's say a 17-year-old girl falls in love with a baby boy. That young woman mothers the baby until the time is right and they get married. Are you telling me this baby-turned-man isn't going to have major mommy issues and social development problems? Will he still ask his wife to tie his shoes, and wipe his nose?
ALICE: Hey, Emmett, how's it going?
EMMETT: Pretty good. I just traded in all my swords and weapons for some yarn.
ALICE: Why?
EMMETT: Now I'm all about knitting. No more violence and tough-guy stuff for me.
ALICE: That's so odd.
EMMETT: And instead of being strong, I'm going to eat junk food and get big and fat. I've already knitted myself some new fat-guy slacks.
ALICE: Wow.
EMMETT: I also feel that all arguments should be settled through diplomacy and hug fights.
ALICE: Hug fights?
EMMETT: Yeah, if the werewolves try to attack, we will hug them. The love will stop the violence. I wrote a song about on my piccolo.
ALICE: You've really changed.
EMMETT: Did I mention that I got us Selena Gomez concert tickets? So excited! Eeee! I'm knitting her a hat. What do you think her favorite color is? I hope it's red, but it might be purple. Better make two hats.
ALICE: Well, I just stopped by to say that I've become President of the World and everyone on the planet must respect me and my super power.
EMMETT: I'm making brownies. The secret ingredient is a double pinch of sugar! Eeeee!
QUIL: My girlfriend's jeans are held up with elastic.
JACOB: My girlfriend clutches your finger if you rub it on her palm.
Alltså, läs: http://community.sparknotes.com/tag/blogging-twilight