Bea Gustavsson

The Volturi show up. All hell breaks loose.

ARO: Give us the child.
EDWARD: Never!
ARO: Do it, or else you will die!
JACOB: You can't take my love away from me!
ARO: Um…and who are you?
JACOB: I'm Jacob, the shoeless werewolf!

[Marcus leans over to Aro and whispers something and points to Jacob]

ARO: Ewwww! Really? Ewww! That's, like, insane!
JACOB: I love her.
ARO: This is perverted freak fan-fiction. We should kill you on general principle. You love a baby? A baby? Really?
JACOB: It's not like that. I will love her like a daughter until she is mature enough to mouth kiss me—
ARO: Enough! Marcus, kill this baby-dater.

[Marcus leans over to Aro and whispers something else]

ARO: I don’t really care if Hilary Duff thinks that guy on Glee is hot. I don’t even watch Glee!
MARCUS: You should. It's corny, but in the best possible way. It's a lot like—
ARO: Silence! Kill the shoeless one. And the other Volturi, whose names I forget, go kill the Cullens!
QUIL: My girlfriend and I had a fight. She wanted Legos. I think Legos are too sharp, and so I got her Duplo Blocks. She's not happy.
JACOB: My girlfriend just discovered her toes.

OPTIMUS: Mom, I broke my arm.
BELLA: Don't cry, my love. Crying will make Jacob sad. You should never make a boy feel sad.
OPTIMUS: But it hurts. The bone is sticking out.
BELLA: A sad boyfriend will dump you. You must remain silent. Never show your true feelings.
OPTIMUS: My kindergarten teacher says it's odd that I have a boyfriend. The police asked me all sorts of questions. I think Jacob's in trouble.
BELLA: But your love is 100% love. You cannot argue against 100% love. Once the courts realize that, I'm sure they will let Jacob go free.
OTPIMUS: Yay!
BELLA: Now come here and let me tell you all about the time I let thousands of people die because me and your dad are lazy.

It's going to be tough blogging this chapter, because when I finished reading it, I threw it so hard it became embedded in the wall. Then I burned the wall. Then I fed the ashes to a duck and fed the duck to a bear. Then I sold the bear to some Russians, and sent it on its merry way. So I can't go back and check my facts.

And to those who say Jacob's love for baby Optimus Beyonce is pure and innocent, I say, "PFFFFFFFF!" And if you try that argument again, I will say, "Double-PFFFFF!" So Jacob is going to be a father figure for Optimus until she's of age? What age? Is there a switch in Optimus' belly that can be flipped from "Cute Kid" to "Sexually Attractive Woman"? When will Jacob know it's OK to give Optimus a special hug? Is Imprinting bound by the laws of the government? On her 18th birthday, will Jacob look at her and suddenly realize: You know what? This child that I cared for is actually very sexy. Maybe I should do her.

Do you see the problem here? Do you understand how very sick this is? Let's switch up the roles, just for fun. Let's say a 17-year-old girl falls in love with a baby boy. That young woman mothers the baby until the time is right and they get married. Are you telling me this baby-turned-man isn't going to have major mommy issues and social development problems? Will he still ask his wife to tie his shoes, and wipe his nose?

ALICE: Hey, Emmett, how's it going?
EMMETT: Pretty good. I just traded in all my swords and weapons for some yarn.
ALICE: Why?
EMMETT: Now I'm all about knitting. No more violence and tough-guy stuff for me.
ALICE: That's so odd.
EMMETT: And instead of being strong, I'm going to eat junk food and get big and fat. I've already knitted myself some new fat-guy slacks.
ALICE: Wow.
EMMETT: I also feel that all arguments should be settled through diplomacy and hug fights.
ALICE: Hug fights?
EMMETT: Yeah, if the werewolves try to attack, we will hug them. The love will stop the violence. I wrote a song about on my piccolo.
ALICE: You've really changed.
EMMETT: Did I mention that I got us Selena Gomez concert tickets? So excited! Eeee! I'm knitting her a hat. What do you think her favorite color is? I hope it's red, but it might be purple. Better make two hats.
ALICE: Well, I just stopped by to say that I've become President of the World and everyone on the planet must respect me and my super power.
EMMETT: I'm making brownies. The secret ingredient is a double pinch of sugar! Eeeee!
QUIL: My girlfriend's jeans are held up with elastic.
JACOB: My girlfriend clutches your finger if you rub it on her palm.

Alltså, läs: http://community.sparknotes.com/tag/blogging-twilight

He's doing this all wrong. If Quil has taught us anything, it's that you can imprint on anyone, no matter how illegal or disgusting. Instead of searching for girls his own age, Jacob should be visiting nursing homes and kindergartens looking for love (Olivia, detta är kanske någons framtid..?). He may also consider falling in love with a kind monkey or a sexy apple. Imprinting has no rules.

Gissa vem som har varit på fotbollsmatch och inte dött, inte alls!

Jag är trött och kall och har ganska många ogjorda läxor, men vet ni vad? Det skiter jag i. Livet är allt ganska bra ändå...


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Konserten med Peter Jöback var magisk, jag är förvånad om det fanns ett torrt öga i Kalmarsalen! Han är så himla fin! Förutom att han är otroligt snygg är han så fin på insidan, det bara lyser om honom och jag vill bara hålla om honom!

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